hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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