but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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