hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
