Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
