is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
