Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
