Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
