1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
