Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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