Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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