TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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