y did u give ur computer a hand job?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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