I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
