Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
