I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
