the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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