:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize