mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You are the jesus of drinking
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
