you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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