Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
