there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
