dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
