Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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