I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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