I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
