if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
