I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
