my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
