I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
