i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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