I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
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