you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
