he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
