I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
