its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
