woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
