i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
