it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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