I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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