I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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