I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
