low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just pee around me
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
