I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
