his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
