If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
the raccoons are back...
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