We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize