I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
