Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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