It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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