do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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