so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
