Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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