Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
