apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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