one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
