If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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