Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
