Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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