Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
