Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize