she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
foreskin is a definite game changer
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
