Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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