Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
