Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
