I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize