Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
