Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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