what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
