Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just high enough for therapy.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize