i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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