It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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