Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
