i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
