Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
