Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.

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(716): View more from New York

i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.

Fav 16 5662 2671
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(913): View more from Kansas

They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.

Fav 7 3878 1352
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(904): View more from Florida

Champagne is a vitamin, right?

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(604): View more from British Columbia

My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.

Fav 3 1327 797
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong

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(519): View more from Ontario

Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.

Fav 3 1342 483
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(408): View more from California

I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.

Fav 0 13 23
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