ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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