I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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